WALL OF SILENCE

DIDDY: Good evening listeners and welcome to the last episode of “What’s My Gaff?” My guest tonight is none other than Councillor McWoody, paper boy and representative for the Cleawood and East Bilburn ward. Come and sit down McWoody, you can leave your paper bag next to the microphone. We have lots of questions tonight, so let’s get this show on the road. Tell me Mac, you’re viewed by many as the “quiet” one when it comes to the Conservative members on the Borough council. Do you think your almost continued silence over the last six years has been a gaff?

MCWOODY: (total silence)

DIDDY: Let me rephrase the question – can you talk?

MCWOODY: (total silence).

DIDDY: OK, let’s approach it from another angle. Has somebody glued your mouth shut?

MCWOODY: (total silence).

DIDDY: Why should I be surprised! I’ll tell you what Macbeth, I’m going to read out a statement sent in by one of your ward residents. If you don’t contradict it in say….5 minutes, then the statement is true. Is that OK by you? I’ll take your wall of silence as a yes. Here we go….

“Dear Diddy

I think that the three Conservative councillors’s for the Cleawood and East Bilburn ward are the most ineffectual members this Borough has ever seen. They underpin the Labour majority by constantly voting with them on policy issues, and maximize their expenses claims to the detriment of the public purse. They ignore calls, letters and messages from the ward members, and surgeries are limited (if they are held at all.) They issue a ward newsletter which looks like it was put together by a two year old with a stick of Pritt and a dodgy photocopier. Not only is the rag devoid of any relevant content, but it is littered with inaccuracies and spurious claims. In essence, they are a disgrace to themselves and a disgrace to the national Conservative Party.”

There you have it McWobly, a pretty damning statement by one of your ward members. Now, surely you have something to say to defend yourselves?

MCWOODY: (total silence – 5 minutes later – total silence)

DIDDY: Your silence speaks volumes McWoody. Well, its goodnight from me and it’s good night from him. I hope you enjoyed “What’s My Gaff?”, and I shall be back in the New Year with another radio format.

DIDDY LEAVES – LIGHTS GO OUT

MCWOODY: Shhhh! I'm thinking!