Howdy dudes!
Like that other crazy cowboy Borat, I went for a road trip round the US of A. After a hard election campaign, I decided I needed a change of image and embarked on a journey to get in touch with the real “me”. I sold all my second hand Sky Remotes (batteries not included), handed the lease for the market stall to the Malcovitch Brothers (cheers Malla, you have always looked after me), packed my tartan holdall and headed off to the land of plenty.
Oh boy, what an experience. Whilst there dear reader, I had a remarkable emotional awakening. I discovered that beneath this vulnerable and caring veneer, there lurked a yearning to be a cowboy (and not the type that Pongo Khan keeps alluding to).
Whilst in Texas, I popped into a local burger bar famed for its Gordon’s Gin Burger, comprising of prime beef marinated in gin (a bit like myself really). As I tucked into this culinary splendour, who should sidle up to me but the stunt double of Daisy Duke, that fine filly from The Dukes of Hazzard. Clad top to toe in tasselled leather and smelling of pure snake oil, she represented a vision of the most beautiful rodeo angel I had ever seen in my life. Childhood dreams flooded back……being scared of Doctor Who and The Daleks, Rick Astley, wetting the bed…..but mostly the long lost desire to be a cowboy. From that moment fellow prairie dogs, I knew I had found my vocation in life. I was no longer David Posh, entrepreneur and politician, but Rodeo Dave, Bare Back Rider and Horse Whisperer!
The next few weeks were spent breaking in donkeys, drinking Jack Daniels, dancing with wolves and smelling of horseshit. At last I had found my true grit.
Sadly, like all my good holidays. I was deported back to the UK for alcohol abuses. As I flew home in chains and reflected on my transformation, I decided that things had to change. Six hours later I was back in that one horse town of Cleawood and East Bilburn. I had scores to settle and therefore kitted myself out in my new garb – Wranglers, knee high snake skin boots, a purple checked shirt and most important of all, my rusty sheriffs badge!
I entered the saloon at the Red Lion, greeted by the cheers of “There’s that cowboy Posh” and “The Cannon Ball Run must be in town”. I sauntered to the bar, the duke box in the background playing the tune to “Rawhide”. I held the barman’s stare, “Make mine a double” I growled. “Don’t you mean a treble Posh, that’s what you normally have?”
With gin in one hand and my cap gun in the other, I surveyed the saloon.
“There’s a new sheriff in town folks, and I mean to clean up the area”.
And that folks is how I got the name Rodeo Dave.
COMING SOON
“HOW I FELL IN LOVE”
“THIS TOWN AIN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US”
“THE GOOD, THE BAD AND CURLY'S WIFE”
“ONCE UPON A TIME IN CLEAWOOD AND EAST BILBURN”
“THE GREAT EXPENSES ROBBERY”
“CALAMITY ANGELA”
“SEVEN BRIBES FOR TWO BROTHERS”
and
“HOW I RODE THE DIXON FAMILY OFF THE KELCO RANCH”
