Rather than immediately jump on the congratulations band wagon, I have waited a few days to offer my best wishes to Joe McElderry, winner of X Factor 2009.
Joe and I share some uncanny characteristics: Joe has a marvellous singing voice and is worshipped by thousands. Yours truly can also warble like a nightingale, and I am also appreciated by my public for my political acumen.
Young Joe reminds me of my great hero, political heavy weight and mentor, Rick Astley. The only difference is that Joe can actually sing and doesn’t own a flashers mack. He can also dance: Rick tended to prance around like a jelly fish having a fit.
I have contacted Joe offering him my services when it comes to dealing with fame, adulation and fortune. My experience with The Cheeky Girls leaves me ideally situated to deal with any eventuality which may come his way.
Hero worship can be difficult, but it does bring financial rewards. It also means you can afford to have a TV in every room. I have therefore offered McElderry a 20% discount* voucher for any additional Sky Remotes that he may need (second hand: batteries not included).
David Posh – supplier to the rich and famous.
*Voucher can not be used in conjunction with any other offer.
Expiry date: 10 minutes ago.
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