CRASH TEST DUMMY

Despite the fact that my father, Lord Posh of St Nicholas Villas, has crashed his Rolls Royce into a group of peasants (sorry, that should read pheasants) I have still found time to update my “other” Twitter accounts.

I have forgiven Daddykins for the crash. After all, I did in the past wreck his car after a night on the treble gins and Vimto's.

But then again, I was under age.

I wonder WHO may have a copy of THAT police report!

Don’t forget the caption competition folks!


PS - THE CRASH WAS ON WEDNESDAY, BUT IT TOOK ME TWO DAYS TO ACTUALLY FIGURE OUT THAT I SHOULD GIVE A SHIT!

SORRY POPS - I HAD THE BNP TO FIGHT.

POSTER BOY

I have decided to start my campaign for the local elections early. My first task will be to have a series of election posters printed which will then be posted above the urinals in The Red Lion.

Below are the three images that I will be using (The Red Lion has three urinals, even though I struggle to actually hit one!). I want some catchy election phrases to go with the posters, but words often fail me, especially after a raft of treble gins and Vimto. I have therefore decided to run a caption competition. The author of the best caption wins a night out with yours truly, and their comments on the poster.

Please enter Karen……..please!

CAPTION COMPETITION

CAPTION COMPETITION

CAPTION COMPETITION

BNP (But No Posh) IN PRIMROSE

POLICE REPORT CONCERNING COUNCILLOR DAVID POSH
OFFICER DIBBLE IN ATTENDANCE

1. Received an email from my Chief Inspector informing me that I had drawn the short straw and would have to speak to Councillor Posh about his email and councillors who laugh at him.
2. After plucking up the courage, I visited Margaret Thatcher Towers only to find that Councillor Posh was not in. I spoke to a neighbour who said she had no knowledge of his whereabouts, though a man wearing a wig was seen entering and leaving the premises on many occasions.
3. As I was under strict instructions to inform Councillor Posh that laughing at people is not a crime and that he should pull his socks up and stop crying, I made a series of enquiries as to his location.
4. Research revealed that he had “stood down” (Scottish for sacked) as a parliamentary candidate in Scotland in order to fight the BNP in South Tyneside.
5. I immediately visited the Primrose Ward, as the BNP were fielding a candidate at a bye election.
6. Residents informed me that despite the BNP being very active in the ward, Councillor Posh had not been seen campaigning with Conservative Party activists. Many people referred to him as a “b**l sh*tter”, a fraud, and a closet Nazi. When I mentioned the reasons for him being deselected in Scotland, the words “cock and bull story”, “smoke screen” and “wig” were frequently mentioned.
7. I have decided not to pursue this matter, nor the issue of his email, as both are a complete waste of police time.

LET THE RUMOUR MILL BURN!

The rumour mill has been at it again and I have had to take some very valuable time off from doing nothing to set the record straight on a couple of issues.

Firstly, I have not been asked to repay any of my expenses by Sir Thomas Legg. I am not an MP, and never will be thanks to those hairy marauding Scottish ginger lefties.

Secondly, I shall not be leaving the Conservative Party, crossing the political divide, and joining the Liberals, just because they used to be called “The Whigs”.

Hopefully that should clear up any rumours doing the rounds of the local pubs.

TOUPEE OR NOT TOUPEE, THAT IS THE QUESTION

HOW DO YOU MEASURE POPULARITY?

A good question dear reader, a good question.

For myself, I use the measurement of how many Freedom of Information enquiries have been lodged against you.

At the moment, I am top of the Town Hall list of the most probed councillor.

However, I do object to the latest enquiry:

“How many of Councillor Posh’s hairs on his barnet are actually his own?”