Well dear readers, where do I begin?
The last couple of weeks have been absolutely snotty. Due to an unfortunate reference to the relationship between “parasites” and those hordes of unwashed, work-shy proles who claim free money from the government, I was forced to become a virtual hermit in my own stately home. Living on nothing but Bollinger, quails eggs and Monster Munch, sustained intellectually only by my Betamax copies of “Upstairs Downstairs”, and having no contact with the outside world other than my free council attendance cheques, I bunkered down to weather a pretty stomper of a storm.
However, it takes more than a lynch mob headed by Pongo Khan to stop yours truly. Like Omar Sharif in the scene from David MacLean’s “Lawrence of Arabia”, I have shimmied through the haze and returned to continue the good fight, though obviously minus a camel.
Let me take this opportunity to set the record straight. In my view a “parasite” is somebody who:
1. Happily takes money from the public purse but does nothing in return for it.
2. Offers himself up to attend work, and then doesn’t bother to turn up.
3. Justifies his stance on the receipt of handouts under the guise that he provides value for money.
4. Often hangs around with people of a similar outlook, thereby perpetuating the myth that he does indeed work for his money.
I stand by my original hypothesis, but apologise for any confusion or distress that this may have caused me. I will not tolerate anybody who views the public purse as a way of either lining their own pockets or as a way to avoid the type of work that contributes to society.
It is now time to move the debate onwards and upwards, preferably with me at the head of it.
Clearly I have a lot of catching up to do and I intend to do it. Whilst some may wish to put a knife in my back, nobody has silver cutlery as good as mine.
Like Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “I’ll be back”……and I am.
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