Over the last few weeks I have enlightened you, my dear readers, on the etiquette re the problems of “politics with envy”.
The seriousness of the scenario was brought home to me last night.
As I came back from not attending another Council related meeting, I was greeted with a terrible state of affairs!
Margaret Thatcher Towers had been invaded!
And not by the Hun!
There was glass all over the outside of the window, my keys were in the door, and the house alarm had been left in the “idle” position!
I had been burgled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I quickly paid the taxi on council expenses, sobered up, and realized that the atrocious mess had nothing to do with me.
It soon occurred to yours truly that I had been targeted for my political leadership qualities!
Yes dear reader, I had been “turned over” for my fame!
But as you know me, my fans – “The Posh” is not the type of person who lies down, takes it, and has his private area violated!!!!
Jeepers, I will fight to the last!
First things first.
I have lodged an insurance claim for:
75 stolen Sky second hand remotes (batteries not included).
However, several other personal items were left untouched.
Mickey Mouse Rolex Watch – Original as sold to me at Hull Market, 2007.
10 Euros (left for all to see) valued by Trader Gash/px14/PaulPenfold/CastleMain4X at £10,000 (that’s why I am a market trader dear reader – I know how to “deal”)
Stinker Milburn’s (grrr!) underpants
McWoody’s (uhhh!) underpants.
The Cheeky Girls underpants.
What was actually stolen is listed below:
1. Stinker Milburn’s (grrrr!) camera memory card re his “campaign” and girly constituency activities!
2. McWoody’s paper round map.
3. My “hard drive” with details for my plans re that vixen Allen (down tiger).
However, I have taken steps to protect my underpants (sorry, I mean property) from further attacks.
My initial reaction was to consult my good friends the Malcovitch Brothers, Insecurity Consultants.
But as they have said, “Posh, we look after you when it comes to your expenses claims, so go and @@@@ yourself”. They did however, remind me of my good friend and confidante Carl Zanitte.
Carl, or as he is known to his friends, “Bully” (he has a black belt in “Jenga”), is known for his ability to deal with the “unknown”.
When I say “unknown”, I of course mean lippy, yappy females who deserve a good slap.
When I say slap, I of course mean a good hiding with a knife – for that is Carl’s specialty, beating the pulp out of those (especially woman) who have no way of defending themselves.
That’s why he is looking after Margaret Thatcher Towers – I wanted to scare you and strike the fear of god into you with the knowledge that yours truly associates with people who are prepared to knock the shit out of women.
And I promote the fact that I do.
If in doubt, see my twitterings!
The seriousness of the scenario was brought home to me last night.
As I came back from not attending another Council related meeting, I was greeted with a terrible state of affairs!
Margaret Thatcher Towers had been invaded!
And not by the Hun!
There was glass all over the outside of the window, my keys were in the door, and the house alarm had been left in the “idle” position!
I had been burgled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I quickly paid the taxi on council expenses, sobered up, and realized that the atrocious mess had nothing to do with me.
It soon occurred to yours truly that I had been targeted for my political leadership qualities!
Yes dear reader, I had been “turned over” for my fame!
But as you know me, my fans – “The Posh” is not the type of person who lies down, takes it, and has his private area violated!!!!
Jeepers, I will fight to the last!
First things first.
I have lodged an insurance claim for:
75 stolen Sky second hand remotes (batteries not included).
However, several other personal items were left untouched.
Mickey Mouse Rolex Watch – Original as sold to me at Hull Market, 2007.
10 Euros (left for all to see) valued by Trader Gash/px14/PaulPenfold/CastleMain4X at £10,000 (that’s why I am a market trader dear reader – I know how to “deal”)
Stinker Milburn’s (grrr!) underpants
McWoody’s (uhhh!) underpants.
The Cheeky Girls underpants.
What was actually stolen is listed below:
1. Stinker Milburn’s (grrrr!) camera memory card re his “campaign” and girly constituency activities!
2. McWoody’s paper round map.
3. My “hard drive” with details for my plans re that vixen Allen (down tiger).
However, I have taken steps to protect my underpants (sorry, I mean property) from further attacks.
My initial reaction was to consult my good friends the Malcovitch Brothers, Insecurity Consultants.
But as they have said, “Posh, we look after you when it comes to your expenses claims, so go and @@@@ yourself”. They did however, remind me of my good friend and confidante Carl Zanitte.
Carl, or as he is known to his friends, “Bully” (he has a black belt in “Jenga”), is known for his ability to deal with the “unknown”.
When I say “unknown”, I of course mean lippy, yappy females who deserve a good slap.
When I say slap, I of course mean a good hiding with a knife – for that is Carl’s specialty, beating the pulp out of those (especially woman) who have no way of defending themselves.
That’s why he is looking after Margaret Thatcher Towers – I wanted to scare you and strike the fear of god into you with the knowledge that yours truly associates with people who are prepared to knock the shit out of women.
And I promote the fact that I do.
If in doubt, see my twitterings!
How hard am I, Mr. Burglar, how hard!
PS - Over the next few days I shall be posting a full crime report re the violation of Margaret Thatcher Towers.
Those of a faint heart should look away………soon!
PS - Over the next few days I shall be posting a full crime report re the violation of Margaret Thatcher Towers.
Those of a faint heart should look away………soon!
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