The alarm clock goes off at 11 am. There’s no a lie-in for me today as I’m taking the day off work to concentrate solely on council matters.
11.05 am, and all council matters have been dealt with for the month.
However, there is no rest for the idle as today we have a VIP visiting South Tyneside!
Cllr Margaret Eaton OBE (god bless her), Chairman of the LGA (no equality here dear boy, and no “chairwomen” either) has agreed to come up to look at some issues facing both our borough and the wider region. I like Margaret, she’s a councilor with bags of money, sorry, I mean experience, and is always willing to listen and provide contacts, sorry, I mean advice. She could also do my political career the world of good. Since the Scots ditched me like an imported haggis and in view of Stinker Millburn’s betrayal, I need a helping hand in order to secure a safe seat for 2010, either at local or national level.
I have organized a pretty packed schedule for Margaret and I. After meeting her at Jarrow Metro Station, where she had arrived from Newcastle (why didn’t she get a taxi and put it on expenses like I do?), we head straight off to take a look around the new Tyne Tunnel II project. I believe that this scheme is essential for South Tyneside‘s transport infrastructure as it lines the pockets of consultants and ensures that I can get to the races a bit quicker. The elected mayor of North Tyneside is also present and try’s to hog some of my limelight. Elected Mayor? How dare they. The mayor’s position demands respect and shouldn’t be open to any Tom, Dick or some other working class name to stand for. If this type of left wing/Marxist/anarchist/communist behavior catches on in South Tyneside poor old Stinker will have to jump on the number 30 the next time he has to much free booze!
Then it’s straight off to St Paul’s church in Jarrow, where Cllr Eaton endorses our world heritage bid for ancient monuments like Eddie McAtominey, and we meet with the mayors and mayoresses of Sunderland and South Tyneside, who also pitched in to make the most of the buffet. This is followed by a meeting with the council leader, the filling in and endorsing of expenses forms, free drinks and Monster Munch, and a tour of the famous room where the ballot boxes vanished.
Fortunately we are running slightly ahead of schedule, so I have 10 minutes to make a couple of calls to constituents to update them on their cases.
I make the calls, but still remain 9 minutes ahead.
After a couple of trebles, we show Cllr Eaton around some local community schemes. One of these, the ‘community payback’ project, falls under the logo of ‘Justice seen, justice done, monkey do’. This came about as a result of recommendations from a review carried out by Louise Casey, the government’s crime czar. While I believe in being tough on crime, it was extremely depressing to see young men and women in high visibility clothing with signage pointing at them carrying degrading and humiliating logos. I really don’t think this does anything to support their rehabilitation. Note to self: More extreme measures are needed. I must campaign to have these fops publicly flogged and deported to Australia.
Margaret then returned to Newcastle to catch her train. I asked her why she didn’t fly, and something was mentioned about her carbon footprint, though her shoes looked pretty clean to me. I slipped her a second hand Sky remote (batteries not included) so that she would remember her visit to South Tyneside. Not that she needed it; someone pinched her hand bag when she was in the Town Hall.
That’s ballot boxes and a bag that have now been stolen.
I go home at 6 pm, have a wee dram and catch up on some ongoing case work.
At 6.01 pm the job is done and its time to wet what is already a very damp whistle.
Those wags at the Red Lion have no idea what I do all day. As I enter the bar I am often greeted with that well known north east two fingered hello and the question, “Posh, what the hell do you do all day?”
Now they know dear reader, now they know!
Cllr David Posh, is a market trader and part time leader of the Conservative group on South Tyneside council. He is the LGA’s portfolio holder for wasting public money.
A satirical and completely made up version of this post can be found at:
http://www.lga.gov.uk/lga/core/page.do?pageId=5373706
11.05 am, and all council matters have been dealt with for the month.
However, there is no rest for the idle as today we have a VIP visiting South Tyneside!
Cllr Margaret Eaton OBE (god bless her), Chairman of the LGA (no equality here dear boy, and no “chairwomen” either) has agreed to come up to look at some issues facing both our borough and the wider region. I like Margaret, she’s a councilor with bags of money, sorry, I mean experience, and is always willing to listen and provide contacts, sorry, I mean advice. She could also do my political career the world of good. Since the Scots ditched me like an imported haggis and in view of Stinker Millburn’s betrayal, I need a helping hand in order to secure a safe seat for 2010, either at local or national level.
I have organized a pretty packed schedule for Margaret and I. After meeting her at Jarrow Metro Station, where she had arrived from Newcastle (why didn’t she get a taxi and put it on expenses like I do?), we head straight off to take a look around the new Tyne Tunnel II project. I believe that this scheme is essential for South Tyneside‘s transport infrastructure as it lines the pockets of consultants and ensures that I can get to the races a bit quicker. The elected mayor of North Tyneside is also present and try’s to hog some of my limelight. Elected Mayor? How dare they. The mayor’s position demands respect and shouldn’t be open to any Tom, Dick or some other working class name to stand for. If this type of left wing/Marxist/anarchist/communist behavior catches on in South Tyneside poor old Stinker will have to jump on the number 30 the next time he has to much free booze!
Then it’s straight off to St Paul’s church in Jarrow, where Cllr Eaton endorses our world heritage bid for ancient monuments like Eddie McAtominey, and we meet with the mayors and mayoresses of Sunderland and South Tyneside, who also pitched in to make the most of the buffet. This is followed by a meeting with the council leader, the filling in and endorsing of expenses forms, free drinks and Monster Munch, and a tour of the famous room where the ballot boxes vanished.
Fortunately we are running slightly ahead of schedule, so I have 10 minutes to make a couple of calls to constituents to update them on their cases.
I make the calls, but still remain 9 minutes ahead.
After a couple of trebles, we show Cllr Eaton around some local community schemes. One of these, the ‘community payback’ project, falls under the logo of ‘Justice seen, justice done, monkey do’. This came about as a result of recommendations from a review carried out by Louise Casey, the government’s crime czar. While I believe in being tough on crime, it was extremely depressing to see young men and women in high visibility clothing with signage pointing at them carrying degrading and humiliating logos. I really don’t think this does anything to support their rehabilitation. Note to self: More extreme measures are needed. I must campaign to have these fops publicly flogged and deported to Australia.
Margaret then returned to Newcastle to catch her train. I asked her why she didn’t fly, and something was mentioned about her carbon footprint, though her shoes looked pretty clean to me. I slipped her a second hand Sky remote (batteries not included) so that she would remember her visit to South Tyneside. Not that she needed it; someone pinched her hand bag when she was in the Town Hall.
That’s ballot boxes and a bag that have now been stolen.
I go home at 6 pm, have a wee dram and catch up on some ongoing case work.
At 6.01 pm the job is done and its time to wet what is already a very damp whistle.
Those wags at the Red Lion have no idea what I do all day. As I enter the bar I am often greeted with that well known north east two fingered hello and the question, “Posh, what the hell do you do all day?”
Now they know dear reader, now they know!
Cllr David Posh, is a market trader and part time leader of the Conservative group on South Tyneside council. He is the LGA’s portfolio holder for wasting public money.
A satirical and completely made up version of this post can be found at:
http://www.lga.gov.uk/lga/core/page.do?pageId=5373706
No comments:
Post a Comment