Due to the numbers of calls I have received of late, it is clear that some of you, particularly those who live on council estates, have been having problems understanding my lingo.
What is evident is the fact that attending finishing schools or elocution lessons were not top of your parent’s list of priorities when it came to providing you with a sound education.
Whilst it is not my fault that your “Mar” and your “Dar” had a tendency to put crime, fags, bingo, black pudding and The Sun before your emotional needs, I have decided to provide you with a list of definitions and explanations. I have also provided you, at no further expense, with the correct Queen’s English usage of said lingo.
For those of you snotty little oinks who can’t actually read, get your butler to translate the definitions for you….if not, engage your social worker.
Fop
A man who is preoccupied with and often vain about his clothes and manners; a dandy or a fool. What is evident is the fact that attending finishing schools or elocution lessons were not top of your parent’s list of priorities when it came to providing you with a sound education.
Whilst it is not my fault that your “Mar” and your “Dar” had a tendency to put crime, fags, bingo, black pudding and The Sun before your emotional needs, I have decided to provide you with a list of definitions and explanations. I have also provided you, at no further expense, with the correct Queen’s English usage of said lingo.
For those of you snotty little oinks who can’t actually read, get your butler to translate the definitions for you….if not, engage your social worker.
Fop
“McWoody, you’re a work shy fop”
Bounder
A man whose behaviour is ungentlemanly.
“Biffa Branley, I am not a leper, and to insinuate that I am makes you a bounder”
Cad
Bounder
A man whose behaviour is ungentlemanly.
“Biffa Branley, I am not a leper, and to insinuate that I am makes you a bounder”
Cad
A man whose behaviour is unprincipled or dishonourable.
“Elsom, you may love horses and you may try to muffle your words, but your behaviour in the chamber is worthy of a racist cad”
A Bounder and a Cad
“Elsom, you may love horses and you may try to muffle your words, but your behaviour in the chamber is worthy of a racist cad”
A Bounder and a Cad
A professional rapscallion.
“Harrison, where is my cab you Bounder and Cad? You can't leave me outside Roxanne's. I'm a Tory. Don’t you know who I am?”
Scoundrel
“Harrison, where is my cab you Bounder and Cad? You can't leave me outside Roxanne's. I'm a Tory. Don’t you know who I am?”
Scoundrel
A rascal and a villain.
“Hide the ballot boxes Scott and do as your told you scoundrel”.
Body Pop
“Hide the ballot boxes Scott and do as your told you scoundrel”.
Body Pop
The art of “body popping” is free break dancing, pioneered in South Tyneside by Cheesy Muldoon, Marmaduke, Squifey Chufnel and myself. Collectively we are known as “The Roxanne Crew”.
“Hello baby, fancy a body pop” – Chufnel’s favourite chat up line.
Squifey
“Hello baby, fancy a body pop” – Chufnel’s favourite chat up line.
Squifey
Slightly drunk, a state of perpetual eternal happiness. Two dry Martini’s away from being totally “crocked”.
“Rigg, I’m feeling a bit squifey. Put me to bed”
Crocked
“Rigg, I’m feeling a bit squifey. Put me to bed”
Crocked
Two dry Martinis later.
“I’m afraid your more than squifey m’lord, you’re crocked”
Oinks
“I’m afraid your more than squifey m’lord, you’re crocked”
Oinks
Those members of the electorate who think that actually voting for you equates to some form of reciprocated representation.
“I wonder if the oinks will fall for it again and re elect me in 2010?”
“I wonder if the oinks will fall for it again and re elect me in 2010?”
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