Good morrow dear readers, I hope you are all feeling suitably haughty.
I have of late been catching up on my public duties, and I don’t mean attending those dreadful council meetings. No chaps and chapettes, I have been waxing lyrical in the local rag about the state of the wards old sites (and I don’t mean Aunt Fanny, though her thatch could do with being raised a foot or two).
As my nearest and dearest chums well know, I have a particular penchant for the old relics of this Borough. My own dacha, situated in the “Margaret Thatcher Nature Reserve” (located behind Stinker Milburn’s house and pictured above) is a jolly expensive affair to maintain. Only last week I had to spend £12.80 to get an unemployed man to evict some pigeons who had taken up illegal residence in the belfry.
That is why I have been giving some though to Cleawood Water Tower. Not only is the Tower an international landmark (McWoody also assures me it is visible from space) but it is essential to the local economy, providing employment and also somewhere for the local youths to do their underage drinking and what nots.
Stinker Milburn, McWoody and myself, if re-elected, have therefore formulated a “policy” to protect the Tower from public destruction and intrusion. Under a Conservative government, National Lottery money will be diverted from such unworthy causes as community centres, children’s parks and disabled activities, and instead channelled towards those buildings that over look Stinker’s house and are an eyesore.
However dear voter, you make rest assured that we will not neglect our commitment to “the initiative and enthusiasm of heritage, arts, sport and voluntary organisation – the very groups the lottery was meant to support”. Under the guidance of your local Conservative councillors, cribbage, back gammon, bridge, chess, the Women’s Institute and the national sport of peasant (sorry, that should read pheasant) shooting are all safe!
Raise the Union Jack, and stick in proudly on top of Cleawood Water Tower where it rightly belongs!
I have of late been catching up on my public duties, and I don’t mean attending those dreadful council meetings. No chaps and chapettes, I have been waxing lyrical in the local rag about the state of the wards old sites (and I don’t mean Aunt Fanny, though her thatch could do with being raised a foot or two).
As my nearest and dearest chums well know, I have a particular penchant for the old relics of this Borough. My own dacha, situated in the “Margaret Thatcher Nature Reserve” (located behind Stinker Milburn’s house and pictured above) is a jolly expensive affair to maintain. Only last week I had to spend £12.80 to get an unemployed man to evict some pigeons who had taken up illegal residence in the belfry.
That is why I have been giving some though to Cleawood Water Tower. Not only is the Tower an international landmark (McWoody also assures me it is visible from space) but it is essential to the local economy, providing employment and also somewhere for the local youths to do their underage drinking and what nots.
Stinker Milburn, McWoody and myself, if re-elected, have therefore formulated a “policy” to protect the Tower from public destruction and intrusion. Under a Conservative government, National Lottery money will be diverted from such unworthy causes as community centres, children’s parks and disabled activities, and instead channelled towards those buildings that over look Stinker’s house and are an eyesore.
However dear voter, you make rest assured that we will not neglect our commitment to “the initiative and enthusiasm of heritage, arts, sport and voluntary organisation – the very groups the lottery was meant to support”. Under the guidance of your local Conservative councillors, cribbage, back gammon, bridge, chess, the Women’s Institute and the national sport of peasant (sorry, that should read pheasant) shooting are all safe!
Raise the Union Jack, and stick in proudly on top of Cleawood Water Tower where it rightly belongs!
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