Despite all my current trials and tribulations (and when I say trials, there possibly could be one) I have still found time to honour one of my New Years resolutions – the one concerning a good clear out.
I have shredded all my phone call records, my expenses claims receipts (1) and copies of all those love letters I sent to a certain Shields Gazette reporter* (female of course).
Yesterday I decided to spring clean my football replica shirts and ditch those that don’t have many memories attached to them.
Many of you will not be aware of the fact that The Posh is a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to Premier League football clubs, or to be more correct, the free corporate entertainment that they offer. To be honest, I cant stand the game – it’s just to rough for a man who is thinning a bit on top. However, the grub is good and they often have a free bar. That is why I have in the past often referred to “Sunderland AFC” as the “lads”, but then quite happily taken up the offer on a couple of free tickets for “Newcastle United FC”. As you well know my fellow football pundees – a prawn sandwich tastes the same regardless of whom you support!
Basically, every football shirt I owned equated to a free “booze and bait” trip to somewhere that I had managed to add my name to the team “freebie” sheet. Boy, I must have had hundreds of tops in my wardrobe!
However, one top stood out – the home strip for Hull City football club. What a year that was! The Posh has always been good at spinning plates, but this one was purely belter. I had a gal in one school, and a reserve in another school (teachers of course). Gal number 1 however, was a relative of Phil Broon, Hull City manager. In return for wining, dining and not being sick on her shoes, I managed to get numerous free tickets to the KC Stadium.
If that wasn’t good enough, the clubs nickname is “The Tigers”!
I was in love and totally hooked – not with the gal, but with the freebies.
Sadly, all free (that should read “good”) things come to an end. I don’t know if said schoolteacher found out about my extra curricula activities, or whether it was the fact that Broon was rumoured to be facing the axe, but the tickets dried up and so did the love affair (with the club, not the gal. God knows what happened to her).
I am now on the look out for a new club and a new gal.
*NOTE TO SELF – MUST CONTACT HER AGAIN. IF HER BOYFRIEND IS NO LONGER HERE, SHE MAY GO OUT WITH ME, PROVIDING SHE HAS LOST HER EYESIGHT, HER SENSE OF SMELL, HER MARBLES, HER SENSE OF DECENCY, HER JOB AND HAS NO WHERE TO LIVE. OH YES, AND HERE’S HOPING SHE LIKES A MAN WITH A SPARSE THATCH.
GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO!
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