BNP (But No Posh) IN PRIMROSE

POLICE REPORT CONCERNING COUNCILLOR DAVID POSH
OFFICER DIBBLE IN ATTENDANCE

1. Received an email from my Chief Inspector informing me that I had drawn the short straw and would have to speak to Councillor Posh about his email and councillors who laugh at him.
2. After plucking up the courage, I visited Margaret Thatcher Towers only to find that Councillor Posh was not in. I spoke to a neighbour who said she had no knowledge of his whereabouts, though a man wearing a wig was seen entering and leaving the premises on many occasions.
3. As I was under strict instructions to inform Councillor Posh that laughing at people is not a crime and that he should pull his socks up and stop crying, I made a series of enquiries as to his location.
4. Research revealed that he had “stood down” (Scottish for sacked) as a parliamentary candidate in Scotland in order to fight the BNP in South Tyneside.
5. I immediately visited the Primrose Ward, as the BNP were fielding a candidate at a bye election.
6. Residents informed me that despite the BNP being very active in the ward, Councillor Posh had not been seen campaigning with Conservative Party activists. Many people referred to him as a “b**l sh*tter”, a fraud, and a closet Nazi. When I mentioned the reasons for him being deselected in Scotland, the words “cock and bull story”, “smoke screen” and “wig” were frequently mentioned.
7. I have decided not to pursue this matter, nor the issue of his email, as both are a complete waste of police time.